A Hand to Hold
by thingsleftunsaid
Summary: Sometimes the people who never seem to break just can't hold it in. Sometimes, even the strongest people need a hand to hold. (set just after The Angels Take Manhattan)


**Not claiming this to be my best work, cause it's not, but it's just something cute I wanted to write out. **

* * *

"Doctor," River says softly, calmly, and gently, all three being things she didn't feel like being at the moment. He looks to her, though, and her heart nearly breaks for the second time that day.

"I'm sorry," he tells her, his voice hoarse and his eyes rimmed red, "They were your parents, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

"It's not your fault." she says, taking a step closer and damning herself for the tears standing in her eyes. She kneels down in front of him and brings a hand up to cradle his face. He takes it and kisses her wrist, looking up at her sadly.

"Don't do that," he says and she frowns,

"Do what?" she asks, and he smiles, if only for a second,

"Don't be..._that_," he motions to her, all of her, "Don't be that right now, don't try to do that, not right now, not for me."

"Doctor, I don't-"

"Don't be strong!" he nearly yells and she moves back, surprised at his outburst, "Don't be stoic and strong and okay. Be human, River, be upset!" She bites her lip and glares at him, standing up.

"You don't think that I am?" she yells back, balling her hands into fists, "I'm never going to see them again either, you don't think I know that? I'm trying to be okay for _you_, Doctor, because you need me!" and as she yells, she can't help it, the tears fall and she doesn't try to stop them because if anything, god damnit it hurts. Because now, she knows it, she can feel it, she's completely alone. Of course she has the Doctor, but she won't always, and she knows that. Sometimes, pretending you don't have feelings makes them go away, but other times, it just makes them stronger.

"I do," he says quietly, swiftly walking over to her and taking her into his arms. She wants to fight him but she can't, she's too tired. "I do need you, I need you to to be human for me, I need you to feel." he leans back and takes her face into his hands, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. "Sometimes I forget," he smiles a bit, "I forget that you're human, too, and sometimes you need to be taken care of." her face crumples and she looks down,

"I miss them," she says, sounding so completely child like and lost. She hates being vulnerable, she hates how it makes her look weak. But just this once, just for now...it's nice to be taken care of.

"I know," the Doctor croons, running his fingers through her curls, over her back. "You've got me, though, I don't know how much that counts for...but you do."

"It counts," she says, "it counts for everything." and then she looks up at him,

"What do you need?" he asks, glad she was opening up to him, he'd never seen this side of her before. He never stopped learning about her and he never wanted to.

"To stay," she says softly, blinking up at him, "Not forever just...for now." he nods, and he wishes she could stay forever, he wants her to. But he knows he can't make her, and he won't try.

"Okay. I'll make us tea, why don't you go change?" she frowns at him,

"What's wrong with this?"

"Nothing," he says quickly, "Absolutely...nothing, but I plan to be cuddly and being cuddly usually requires softer things, don't you think?" he asks and she can't help but smile,

"Alright." she agrees. She watches as he walks off, and she turns to find the wardrobe. It still hurts, she doubts it'll ever go away but with the Doctor here, it's not so bad. He knows it better than anyone, she thinks, that everything dies. Everything has it's time. And sometimes that time's just too short. And sometimes, on rare, beautiful occasions that time is long, never long enough, but longer than most. And when it comes to an end, it's an exquisit kind of pain, the fondness of remembering all those things you did and the hurt of knowing all you won't get to do.

As she skims through the wardrobe she feels the tears begin to slide down her cheeks once more, and presses her hand to her mouth as a sob escapes her. She thinks of how many friends the Doctor's lost, how many people he's loved and how they've been torn away from him in the worst ways. She thinks of how he hasn't told her, not outright, that he loves her. And she hasn't said it either. It doesn't bother her, she just kind of feels like it's something they both know, something mutual that doesn't need saying. But now she thinks that maybe he's afraid, that once he acknowledges it, she'll be gone too. Her hands fall on a pair of striped pajamas, they're mens, probably his, and she pulls them down, changing swiftly, trying to stop the tears before she goes back to him. She takes a deep breath and wipes the tears from her cheeks with the sleeves of the pyjamas. She squares her shoulders and exits the wardrops, patting one wall of the TARDIS fondly and making her way to the kitchen.

The Doctor is seated at the table, he looks up and frowns.

"You were crying again." he says, and River sighs,

"How do you know that?"

"I know you." he says simply and hands her the cup of tea as she comes to sit down across from him. She takes a sip from it and looks across the table.

"They are happy, aren't they?" she asks, and the Doctor smiles,

"I'm sure they are, they've got eachother, it's not everything...but I'm sure it's enough." River nods, god, she'll miss them, god she'll miss them. She hopes they'll miss her as well. She knows they're not a conventional family, but she's their daughter nonetheless. She runs a hand through her hair and lets it come to rest under her chin. She decides that for tonight, just for tonight, she won't hide. God knows the Doctor hadn't hid from her, she'd held him in the cemetery as he cried, holding nothing back. He'd sobbed, gripped her dress, her shoulders, her back, held her close to him and wept with everything he had. She'd bit her lip and cradled his head, shushing him and telling him it'd be alright, because it would, because it had to be. She sighs, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. She gets up slowly, pushing her cup of tea further onto the table. She walks over to where he's sitting and he scoots his chair away from the table a bit. She tugs his hands out of his lap and sits down, he wraps his arms around her waist as she she lays her head on his shoulder.

"I love you." she whispers and feels it as he takes in a quick breath before replying,

"I love you, too." she closes her eyes and leans her head in, kissing the side of his neck, she feels him shiver. He turns his head and she lifts hers off of his shoulder, he takes her chin and tilts her head up with his finger. She closes her eyes as he kisses her, her hand fisting itself into the lapel of his jacket. When they break apart, she smiles.

"I'm exhausted." she tells him quietly and he nods, he stands up with her in his arms, and despite her protests he carries her all the way to his room.

She's cuddled against him, once he's changed into his own pyjamas, and he looks down at her.

"Cuddly is nice," he says, "I like cuddly." River smiles at him and opens her mouth to say something but spots something on his nightstand. She sits up and reaches over him, taking the picture and gently flipping it downwards. She looks down at him, smiling apologetically. He sighs,

"I've lost my Ponds." he says quietly and she bites her lip,

"Well, you've still got one." and at that he smiles, a real smile, and pulls her down onto him, sweeping her hair away from her face.

"That I do, my Pond." he takes her hand and kisses it, "my Melody Pond." he croons, "Don't you leave me." and she hears the seriousness in his voice and knows that if she does, those breaks in his hearts might just crack open. She leans down and kisses him softly, keeping herself close as she says,

"Not if I can help it."

* * *

**Blah. Probably out of character and written horribly but y'know I just wanted to give River some cuddles. So sue me. Reviews would be nice though :)**


End file.
